Stay. Learn.

Baby J's mama wants me to stay.  She wants to talk, hear about her daughter.

It's what I think I wanted too.

Still, it makes my heart race.   And makes my heart stop.  And then race again.

How do you talk to a stranger whose child you love?

A stranger who could use some love herself.

I don't know what to say or how to love like this.

But that's okay - even normal.  Otherwise, the Word wouldn't say this...

"...cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause (Isaiah 1:16b-17)."

Or Jesus wouldn't have said this...

"Those who are well have no need of a physician, but hose who are sick.  Go and learn what this means, I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.  For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners (Luke 9:13)."

If She Could Read My Mind

How does your heart stand the wait to see your baby tomorrow {for just the second time in 4 weeks}?

I almost can't breathe.

I may not sleep.

Will you ask me to leave just your girl, or invite me to stay too?

I think I'm more afraid now than before our first meeting.  More information can do that to you.

So can loving a baby who doesn't belong to you.

But, I remember that first time we met.

I was shaking -  until I saw you.  And then?  Nothing short of miraculous peace that surpasses understanding.    

I'm asking God for the same washing over us both tomorrow.

Your precious girl, well, I'm thankful she doesn't know of this mess.

Oh, she sees our messes of stuff on every surface and hears the sibling squabbles.  I'd like to think all she really knows is love.

{Hopefully she won't find it hard to sleep tonight!}

This Picture is Worth 1,000 Words

                                                  

Wiped Out

                                     

Dad Wins the Fun Award {as usual}!

This is how Jon entertained the kids while I cleaned up the kitchen a few nights ago.  

                                                  

Fires, especially when you can play with flaming sticks, are WAY cooler than anything I ever do!
 :-) 

Princess Kaylee

Happy birthday, Mayme! Thanks for the crown from your party. I really love it! :)

                                                  

Click-click-click-click...Ahhhhh!

Foster care feels like a roller coaster.

It is good to be a safe, loving place for a child.  But, this.is.hard.

The system is a mess.

Her parents are a mess.

I'm teetering on the edge of emotional mess.

Think anyone would mind if I threw my hands in the air, closed my eyes, and screamed?!

Saturday Stroll

                                              

Heard Around Our House

Lily to Baby J, "your skin is like chocolate, and you're so sweet like chocolate!"

My near constant companion. :). Thanks for the company, Baby J. 

Scoocher

                                                       

9/11

My head is not full of historically relevant dates.

I'm the person who has to think twice to be sure I recall the birthdays of our children correctly.

I set alarms on my phone to remind me to put things in and take things out of kitchen appliances.

This, however, is one day I will never forget.

May the Lord grant us beauty from ashes.

The Reward is Greater

                                       
These hands are so cute.

Her smile is adorable.

Her voice is sweet.

She sleeps and eats in a somewhat predictable nature.

But...

There is nothing cute about foster care.

Not an adorable piece of background history.

No sweet reason this girl or any child comes into state custody.

Each case is somewhat  unpredictable.

Did you know...

The need for loving homes is great {just try to wrap your mind around about half a million children}.

The cost {and I'm not talking $$$} of loving these children and their families  is great.

But...

The reward is greater.

Matthew 6

19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, ²⁰ but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

^{Matthew 25
34} “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
⁴⁰ “The King will reply,‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
⁴¹ “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ⁴² For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³ I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
⁴⁴ “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
⁴⁵ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
⁴⁶ “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Heard Around Our House

"I love you, so I NEED to snuggle you, Mama."
I NEED to snuggle you too, Little Bit.

                                        

Hope

It is hard to know what to hope for.

I hope our kiddos get healthy quickly.  But, I enjoy quiet days here with the four of them.

I hope Jon gets home from work by dinner.  But, his work is what provides our dinner and he may work late {thanks, Honey}.

I hope we don't fall too far behind in our school work.  But, loving on a new addition to our family and sick kids is more important today.  {I hope I remember this.}

I hope Mt. Laundry will fold itself.  But, we all know that won't happen.  If it does, I hope dinner makes itself too. :)

I hope Baby J's parents are able to get on their feet.  But, I would be happy to call her mine.

What are you hoping for?  

See, hoping can be tricky, because hoping is unpredictable.  Hopes unfulfilled can feel like a rug ripped right from beneath you.  Hopes can be followed by exceptions and  "but_{fill in the blank}___."

I really don't know what to hope for.  Starting this foster care journey has proven that again.  But, I know Who to hope in.  And this hope is secure - no "buts" here in Hebrews 6:

¹⁷ So when God desired to show more convincingly to the heirs of the promise the unchangeable character of his purpose, he guaranteed it with an oath, ¹⁸ so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. ¹⁹ We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, ²⁰ where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek.

And this.  Just this...

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23

love {her}

                                        

Bikers

The kids love to ride to the culdesac behind our house and go round and round.  It's a fun, sweaty way to get their blood pumping before and after school.
Is Lily her father, or what?! :)

                                                   

                                                       

                                                             

Isaiah 58:6-12

⁶ 
Someone read this passage of Scripture at church (maybe last spring or was it summer?). My eyes filled with tears and I got chills as I listened.  I don't know how to explain it, but my heart grabbed on.  Or , more accurately, the Spirit grabbed me.  I've read this many, many times since then and prayed this for our lives.  I've asked God how this could look in us, and in our home.  The journey to foster care became part of the answer.  At the moment, a tangible part of the answer is cozied up in a baby swing next to me.  

"Is not this the fast that I choose:
    to loose the bonds of wickedness,
    to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
    and to break every yoke?
⁷ Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
    and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
    and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
⁸ Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
    the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
⁹ Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
    you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’
If you take away the yoke from your midst,
    the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
¹⁰ if you pour yourself out for the hungry
    and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
    and your gloom be as the noonday.
¹¹ And the Lord will guide you continually
    and satisfy your desire in scorched places
    and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
    like a spring of water,
    whose waters do not fail.
¹² And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
    you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
    the restorer of streets to dwell in."

Unidentifiable Sweetness

                                 

I'm thinking that I shouldn't post pictures of Baby J until I ask her social worker the protocol on that.  But look how sweet this unidentifiable glimpse of her hand is!

Heard Around Our House

"Her hair is so fluffy!" ~ K

"Her hair feels like sheep wool, but not as deep." ~ E

"Why are the bottom of her feet pink and her hands pink?" ~ K

"God made her like that, but she has probably been in the sun a lot but not her feet and hands."~L

"My lips are pinkish, but hers are a little bit gray."~ K

"I wanna hold her! ... It's my turn to feed her! ... I said I was getting her diaper!" ~ L, E, K

Fostering this sweet baby girl is such a gift.  To watch the 3 big kids love her and sacrifice for her is incredible.  Baby J is soaking it up and returning all the smiles and talking.  She laughed at Jon last night - biological kids, foster kids, everyone thinks he is so fun!

Freedom

The hens are roaming free this morning so the little lady can watch in wide eyed wonder.
Here is Cookie not wanting to be still for the camera.